his installment your old friend Cyril is going to arc up about these so-called 'Cortina Racers'. I'm sure I'll strike a nerve in the following thoughts, but this is one subject that's been bugging yours truly for some time now. The reality that has confronted us in the form of modern Appendix J racing is quite a very sad departure from the initial ideals of Historic touring car racing, which was brought about to keep these old cars out on the track, in the specification and livery of their heyday. But no, someone thought it a good idea that their inept abilities at driving a race vehicle may be suited to a class comprising of mostly enthusiasts and hobby racers, where cubic dollars, not ability, enabled them to win.

So now we see our beloved Cortinas looking like pseudo sports sedans rather than 'Historic' racing machines. These bloody young blokes think they're trendy with their whiz bang bloody Datsun cranks and Carillo rods, roller rockers and all this other garb in an attempt to make 160 hp. And some of the clowns that build these engines! They charge like a deranged wombat... I could build a push rod donk using factory bits and pieces that would blow these nancy boys' Hollywood jobs into the weeds, and you'd still have change for a round at the local. Yes, I know the rules are quite loose in order to make scrutineering less of a headache, but it's out of control. I know of cars that run destroked engines with a large bore (which is legal) in order to rev the %$@* out of the poor old thing and make nothing but a racket and a 9000 rpm Kent hand grenade. Suppose it's all right when you can just write another cheque when the thing decides to drop its guts on a regular basis.

But there's still more. You gotta stiffen the old tart up a bit eh? Make it handle. Seam welding makes sense, but these roll cages! Geez, it's like something out of Mad Max, I say, more bars and braces than one can poke a welding rod at. Then you take a look underneath. What car is this again, a Cortina? Looks like the bloody space shuttle to me. Anti-dive kits, telephone pole sway bars, rose jointed radius bars, panhard rods, adjustable spring platforms - son, it's enough to send a McLaren engineer running for cover! So this makes it handle. That's fine. Used to handle all right when I drove them. I think these yuppies must wet their pants when the thing starts to body roll. Jim Clark didn't mind, let me tell you, and he'd whip the @#*$ off this lot today. Where have the real men gone?

But don't get me started on the tyres. Hoosier Street TDs look like someone took a slick and cut in a few grooves with a Stanley knife in order to pass them off as bonafide road tyres. What's wrong with cross plys eh? You could get though Bathurst on one set back then. Bloody cars now have trouble doing 5 laps before they turn into mush. Same goes for brakes too. Four piston Volvo (sacrilege!) calipers are just not cricket son, but legal they appear to be. Never ran out brakes ever in my Cortina experiences. Why do they bother?

The problem is though, is that it extends to the whole class. You might say it's OK to incorporate modern technology on these cars, just as we would on our road Cortinas to make them more reliable, comfortable, safer, etc. But then we have the problem where Maxi Millions can run his $25000 Lotus twin cam screamer and that's fine Sir, but he gets pinged at scrutineering because a badge is in the wrong place, or the heater facia's the wrong color! I reckon do it one way or the other: classic bodies with all the bells and whistles, high-tech gizmos and obscene build costs which will enable the guy with the biggest chequebook, not balls, to win, or historically correct 'period' type cars that are slower (?!), scary to drive and a realistic approach to historic auto racing. But it's a dodgy compromise at the moment, folks, let's hope they can get it right someday.