Something different! Evany Thomas is a writer, who recently parted company with her Mk.I Cortina after six years. For Evany, her Cortina embodied an idea she calls 'The Cortina Principle'. Evany's been kind enough to let me reproduce an article she originally published in 2000 on Breakup Girl. (Breakup Girl also gave me the thumbs up.)
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by Evany Thomas
My car is totally ridiculous. It's a 1966 Canadian Ford Cortina, a two-doored slip of a thing with peace-symbol tail lights, a sparkling white paint job, and big, red racing stripes. There aren't many of its kind here in the US and it's so cute and cheerful looking, people can't help but stare and smile when I drive by. As a friend of mine once said, "It's like driving around in the hotdog car... should I be waving?"
Sometimes I forget what a spectacle I'm helming and mistake all the attention as the result of a particularly good hair day. "I feel pretty!" I'll be singing to myself, "Oh so pretty!" And then one of my admirers will shout, "That three-on-the-tree or four-on-the-floor?"
Oh yeah. The car. Everywhere I go - parking lots, gas stations, intersections - people talk to me about it. Did you know they used to race Cortinas against the 510s and the 2002s? Or that the car destroyed at the end of 'Christine' was a Cortina? Or Ian Dury, of 'Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick' fame, sang about Cortinas? My car is much more than a mode of transportation; it's the ideal conversation starter.
After years of driving a car that's essentially a parade of one, I've developed a group of theories, collectively known as the Cortina Principle:
Not that I recommend buying a Cortina just to meet people (unless you're the kind of person who's willing to spend ten months hunting for a new gas cap). There are far easier ways to distinguish yourself from the many other fish in the sea.
Dress For Success
Everyone knows that shoes, way more so than the eyes, are the window to the soul (notice that I could have said "sole" - you owe me big). The shod-dy thinking goes like this: Hiking boots indicate nature lovers possibly in touch with their feelings. Grubby black Converse hightops are short-hand for artists who paint and still listen to X or Sonic Youth (or are/were in a band influenced by same). Tassled loafers mean investment banking, woven-top slipper loafers mean real estate. Platforms are worn by ravers, trendsters, short people, or prat-fall artists looking to tumble into the arms of potential love interests. And so on.
Since people are already conditioned to look toe-ward for clues, it's the perfect opportunity to put the Cortina Principle into play and carve your own niche with a really distinct pair of shoes. It keeps people guessing ("Who is that mysterious, unclassifiable stranger? I must know!") and offers the perfect springboard for conversation.
Same goes for the rest of your clothes. Why not eschew the usual falt-front khakis and stretch capris and don items that set you apart from the crowd? Something small, like an exotic accessory, could be all you need. Or try combing garage sales and flea markets for some one-of-a-kind togs. Who knows? You may even lock eyes with a like-minded treasure hunter over a pair of old-school parachute pants. Even if you don't find a trend-upsetting outfit, you may spot some real conversation pieces for your apartment.
Which isn't to say the Cortina Principle is all about buying your way into people's affections. Indulging your passions and interests is another way of meeting simpatico folk.
What to do if loud threads and ostentatious wheels aren't your bag? Be not afraid. The Cortina Principle can also be utilized by people less inclined to buying or wearing flashy baubles. You might not know it, but you could already have something people are looking for.
Your red hair, gapped teeth, or even your dislike of buying things, for instance. You take them for granted, but entire communities revolve around simple attributes such as these. And they're dying to meet you.
Comrades can also be found in your less common traits. You may think you're all alone in your love of traveling barefoot, hunting for wild mushrooms, or even listening to Swedish rock sensation Roxette, but you aren't. No matter how obscure or odd your interests, there's bound to be a group of people that shares your fetish, and they're hooking up in website chat rooms and conventions everywhere.
The key is to take a close look at yourself, then take a good look around - you'll be surprised by how much you have in common with other people, and how much there is to talk about. You may even find a Cortina lover club meeting in a town near you.
Visit Evany at http://www.evany.com
Footnote: How Evany got her ride
My old Honda, which served me well since college, was battered beyond recognition by crazy people and stereo thieves. Then one night, some totally drunk, insured (?!) person plowed into my left fender and then refused to pay the $200 that it would cost to get the wheels rolling again (I was far beyond caring about cosmetics at that point), so his insurance company declared my car totaled and gave me $3000 for my four-dollar car.
I determined that I was going to buy something nice and dependable with the money, something with power steering and doors that actually remained shut. So of course when I spotted this insanely cute red-striped car parked right there on the street with a flirty little "for sale" sign advertising a so-convenient-it-had-to-be-a-sign price tag of $3000, I bought the hell out of it. And for the next six years I was the sometimes proud, sometimes very sad (having the clutch go out spectacularly in the middle of an intersection, in the middle of a rain storm, in the middle of Los Angeles was a particular low), owner of the ridiculously impractical 1966 Ford Cortina!
All text © 2004 Evany Thomas
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